ItrustYouLord on Revelife

I trust You Lord..

Sunday, 27 February 2011

I am in the ICU with Jeff. He is
sleeping. He had 3 stints put in today. One artery was 80% blocked and
another was 99% blocked. He will have to have 2 more stints in 2
weeks. We got him here quick enough so there is no damage to his
heart. Now comes a major lifestyle change for us. There is build up
in all of his arteries.

We aren't going to tell Dom while he's in basic, and he is supposed to
call tomorrow. Pray we are able to keep it together.

I am going to stay here at the hospital a few more hours then head
home. Sam is at my brother's which is a huge blessing. Sam doesnt know
what happened today. We want to wait to tell him when he can see him.

Thank you all for the prayers!

Monday, 10 January 2011

request

Having a terrible time right now.

I can't seem to shake this depression. Been feeling this way since October.

We have had one thing after another that keeps us from getting the USDA loan for the house. We need this loan cause we have no money for a down payment.

We just spent $1,300 to repair our car last week, only to have the shop tell us today that the engine is on it's last leg and they wouldn't keep the car long if they were us.

We were able to pay for the repairs with the rent money they told us we didn't have to pay because it looked like the loan was gonna go through. Now that the loan didn't go through, we have to come up with January and February rent this month.

Dom leaves for boot camp in the morning.

Please pray I can keep it together.. I really feel like I'm losing it.

Monday, 20 December 2010

we are still without a car.. as we are unable to afford to pay for the repairs. please pray for something to breakthrough. we are exhausted with the stress of not having money for the repairs or gifts for Sam. I know he will be fine.. we've discussed it and he understands, but it still breaks this momma's heart. the boys are buying him a few things, so that softens it a bit.

i just need some prayer for strength. i spent a few weeks just wishing i would die. not to the point that i would do anything about it, but just begging God to let me die. I know things could be so much worse than they are, but when there is no money for necessities, it gets scary. the car hasn't been running for over a month.. the food situation sucks.. and we had to borrow money for propane that we now need to start paying back. everything looks hopeless, but i'm hoping His plan begins to bring some light to our lives.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

Can I do it? I sure thought I could, but apparently, I can't.
I didn't.
I haven't.

I say I trust Him, yet as I go through these current trials, I cry, agonize over "what are we going to do" and that is NOT trusting Him. Am I scared? You bet I am! Can I change any of these situations? Nope. Do I have a choice? Not in my circumstances, but in how I react to them.

Today I will be stronger, because I realize my weakness in Him, I will find the strength to stand during these storms.

Thursday, 09 December 2010

I am so overwhelmed with my life right now. I know this is nothing compared to what others are going through, but we don't have a back up plan. We don't have a savings account, we don't have credit cards to pay for things of necessity. I'm not complaining.. don't get me wrong. I'm just overwhelmed with our inability to do anything to help ourselves out. I know He is more than able to handle this.. and I don't doubt that He wants to.. I'm just fearful that He won't.

Monday, 29 November 2010

Time to live out my conviction! Can I do it? Of course I can't. I can't succeed at anything, but with His help, I can do this! *smile*

Friday, 26 November 2010

White Friday

This is black Friday to the world, bu tit's white Friday to me. Yesterday God allowed me to see the blackness of my heart. I was spiritually driven to my knees as He revealed so many things to me. I wept as more things flooded into my mind. I had to stop my preparation of Thanksgiving dinner to go sit and talk with Jeff about what God has showed me.

My conclusion? In the past three months since our hearts were broken, I have succeeded in walking away from God. My priorities do not reflect Him in the slightest way. My choices do not look like choices of the daughter of the King. I am choosing things that are bringing death to me spiritually. This broke my heart.

Today, I begin making the changes that need to be made to turn this around. This is my race to run and I have picked myself back up to run in such a way to make Him proud of me.

I choose to live a life that reflects You, Lord. I will trusting You with all my heart, not leaning on my own understanding. I will acknowledge You in all my ways, and You will make my paths straight.

Oh how I love You, Lord!

Friday, 22 October 2010

Needed something just for fun.. so I don't' think too much. I would love to see your answers, to if you decide to repost, leave a comment so I can visit your blog. =)

Where do you dream of traveling to one day and why?
Italy.. to see where Jeff's family is from, both Grandma's home city and Grampy's.

What do you like to do for fun?
I love to play games online with a few of my friends.. not your typical girl games. We enjoy keeping up with the boys, or beating them.

What style of music to you prefer and why?
Rock or alternative.. just speaks deeply to me.

What movies or TV shows do you like and why?
The Matrix.. have always enjoyed the concept of it.

What frustrates you and why?
When I have to decline things I want to do because of not having a vehicle to get there.. or, as of right now, one that doesn't run well enough for me to take it and enjoy my outing.

What is your favorite food? And for dessert?
a rare steak.. and cheesecake

What is your favorite color?
purple

Do you prefer cool or warmer weather and why?
cool.. crisp, like right now.. love the blankets, the snuggling.. and no sweating! LOL

Sunday, 17 October 2010

Daily Pearls

Our finances are upside down this month. We need more than we have to pay our bills and get the propane tank filled for winter. As the colder nights keep creeping up on us, each morning I am thankful that it was another night we were able to stay snug without the furnace. Pretty soon.. that's going to be hard to do. I know He has a plan, and we will be faithful with what He has given us. Tithes will still go out and our needs will be met as He sees fit.

I think I lost a friend forever yesterday.. and that hurts. Not sure what to do now.. so I leave it up to Him. *tear* I have lost so many friendships this past year.. most at the hands of others. My heart feels like it's been ripped to shreds. I know it will heal.. I'm praying it does so without scars..

Outside my window: the day is warming up nicely.. can't wait to get out in it.

Through my door: we aren't expecting any company this weekend.

I am thinking: of what I've done wrong and how I can't fix it.

I am hearing: the silence of my sleeping house

I am thankful for: friends and family.. friends who are like family.. and family who are my friends

I am wearing: sweats and a T-shirt

I am remembering: friends that are far away that I desperately need in my day to day, face to face life.

I am going: to bike today.. along the river.. it's gorgeous

I am reading: The Power of a Praying Wife and my other studies

I am hoping: for a financial blessing that overflows into the lives of my friends and family.

On my mind: too much.. *tears*

From the learning rooms: no school today.. a blessing for this tired Momma

From the kitchen: pasta or rice most likely. Grocery shopping hasn't been possible yet this month.

Noticing that: He is in control of all things.. even when I feel that they are out of control.

Pondering these words: a friend loves at all times..

Around the house: finish up the laundry

Healthy living: making healthier choices and caring what I put in my mouth

I am praying: for God to help us heal and to love those that don't love us.

I am planning: on running away.. LOL don't I wish..

One of my favorite things: pumpkin spice lattes.. bought by someone who loves me.. *tear*

Simple pleasures: a cup of coffee on a cold morning while chatting with a close friend who is far away..

Saturday, 16 October 2010

My Autumn Manifesto
Inspired by Lady Dorothy:

This is truly my favorite time of year. I want to enjoy every minute of this season this year.. as if it were my last. Life has become so stressed in recent months, and it's time to refocus on what's most important to me.. my God.. my family.. and our home. =)
Pumpkin spice lattes will be enjoyed more often
Snuggling on the couch to watch a movie with Sam will be a daily ritual
Jeff's favorite baked goodies will be a weekly labor of love
I will get out the china to use for meals when we are all able to sit together to eat
There will be more fires and more marshmallows in our backyard
White chili will be made more frequently
Jeff and I will continue to bike as long as the weather permits.. our sanity for now
I will keep up with my hour of activity, even if it's too cold in the mornings to walk
The patio will still be my favorite place of refuge, with a warm cup of coffee and a blanket if need be
I will drop a note in the mail for a friend that God puts on my heart each week
Studying the Torah will be my priority instead of an afterthought
I will burn candles and oils that smell like autumn
I will photograph and enjoy the fall colors more this year than any other year before
Flavored coffees will be a staple in my house
Cozy clothes will not allow me to ignore my body's signals when it comes to food
I truly adore this time of year. It's the season that Jeff and I were first together. It contains my favorite holiday... Thanksgiving. Which contains my favorite people and my favorite foods.. all here, together, in my home. I am praying this season goes extra slow this year.. because Dom leaves in January..